Children are Humans, Too
I truly believe that society’s view on children and their place in this world is completely warped – not for everyone but for most. As I mature into an adult and coming to understand and unpack trauma from my childhood, I’m starting to realize that children are often disregarded when they should be receiving the most attention and nurturing. After all, aren’t they are the next generation? Future leaders, teachers, doctors, and entrepreneurs?
I think of myself as a child compared to my youngest sister and brother, 15 and 11 respectively. Maybe it’s because I was in their shoes not too long ago – but I constantly encounter cognitive dissonance when it comes to discipline. I recognize that they have poor habits that need to be corrected but I also recognize that, just like myself, they are human.
No one is perfect, which sounds cliché but I think we forget that when we think about children and their wrongdoings. So often I discuss with friends and family about how our parents raised us and what’s been deemed normal or acceptable. The more I think about the methods our parents used to teach us right from wrong, the more I’ve come to understand they weren’t the best and was simply a result of how their parents raised them.
Many times I’ve had to catch myself mid-sentence and ensure I was disciplining my siblings from a place of love and understanding. Just like adults mess up, so do children and the ways in which people try to correct them hold so much power over their self-esteem and shapes their idea of how to treat people and be treated.
I’ve definitely done something wrong as a child and was scolded, yelled at, embarrassed, and even beaten (which is common in West Indian culture). This method instilled enough fear that I would do my best to refrain from acting in that manner, but where was the logic and reasoning behind the punishment? I don’t recall many times discussing what went wrong, why my parents were upset and didn’t agree, or the encouragement to avoid making the same mistakes.
From this, I realized without a proper conversation, this didn’t allow me to fully understand my wrongdoing or even give me space to explain myself so that my parents could understand me. My childhood could’ve been way worse but the way we are disciplined heavily weighs on how we allow others in the world to treat us. There are times I allowed disrespect from others or even talked down to myself when I’ve fallen short – something that I subconsciously accepted to be okay for a long time.
That’s why it’s important to reiterate that children are human, too. Despite their undeveloped minds and bodies, their lack of fear to the perils of the world, or their unconditional loving hearts, they too deserve to be treated with the utmost respect, heard and listened to.
A child’s first experience with love starts at home and it’s important to build their self-esteem from an early age. If not, we’ll continue to grow a generation of adults still suffering from the consequences of mistreatment from their parents whether intentional or unintentional.
We need to stop coating problematic behaviour as ‘culture’ and start holding parents accountable for how they treat their children. Some parents really aren’t prepared to have kids but the second they become a parent it’s up to them to put in the work to prepare their child for success.
I often wonder how different a lot of people would’ve turned out had their parents saw them as their own individual and not merely an extension of their legacy or simply their offspring – my parents included. We hear phrases like “children are to be seen and not heard” – but why? Why aren’t children given spaces to be heard? Are children not to be valued? Were they brought in this world as an accessory or an object to be displayed? I can go on and on about how much I hate this phrase but overall I see this as an oppressive way to describe children, especially since most of their childhood is entirely at the mercy of their parents.
Parents need to remember that they were once children, too. Children are not asked to be brought into the world. Children are human. Children are their own individuals. Children have their own thoughts, actions and behaviours. Children aren’t to be controlled or manipulated because this concept plays into their adulthood and how they will allow others to treat them. It’s a parent’s job to provide knowledge, discipline, but most importantly love to their child.
Children are their own individuals and will most likely have different goals in life. Let’s be there for them and support them, especially for our girl children. Girls have risen up to be phenomenal women - history shows us time and time again how they’ve overcome unimaginable obstacles in a world dominated by men. Let’s do our part of erasing misogynistic ideals and allow younger girls to go after their goals and not succumbing them to traditional roles in the office or in the home. Let’s allow young girls to be themselves and express who they are without judgement.
Let’s start to change the narrative of who a child is and what they’re capable of. Lately, social media has done a great job or displaying positive and negative parenting, but we can do better. Even if you’re not currently a parent or never plan on being one, it takes a village to raise a child. We should all do our part to ensure the children around us feel loved and respected.
Love your big sister,
Tash🖤