The Odd One Out

Submitted by Sephrah Adomako

I grew up in a predominantly white neighbourhood and went to a predominantly white school. When my best friend moved to Ottawa in grade 5, I became the only Black girl in the grade. It was something that I knew but it never really bothered me. I was too busy trying to conform to how the other girls in my grade were. What I mean by that is that I tried to figure out how to wear my hair like them (braids were the closest thing I could get to before I discovered what a weave was), the kind of clothes they wore, the music they were into, the way they acted, the way they spoke, all of that.

I never got a chance to express my blackness because there was no one else who was Black! I never liked wearing my real hair out unless it was permed. I never saw my natural hair beautiful unless it was permed. The crazy thing is that I never tried to believe that my hair could be considered beautiful. I just programmed in my head that it wasn’t because it didn’t look like everyone else’s. And if trying to fit in with looks wasn’t a struggle enough, try being from a low-income family too! Couldn’t even afford to buy the latest clothes all the girls at my school were wearing. But thank God for uniforms. 

The only time I would get complimented on my hair endlessly was when I got a new weave. Even when I had braids, the sneaky compliments I would get was crazy. Like for example, one time I had those braids where half of it was braided and the rest of it was left straight. One girl said, “Why didn’t you just do all of them like that?” I didn’t even know what to say. Being asked questions like “Can you twerk?” I always just answered with a smile and gave them the answer they wanted to hear. Same with “Can I call you the N-word?” I thought of it as “Well at least I’m liked” Not realizing that what they were doing was high key disrespect. And to make matters worse, I also hated the fact that I was dark-skinned and didn’t accept that until high school. But that’s a whole other story. Point is, I did not express my blackness until you guessed it... until I met other Black people! And unfortunately, that was not until I got to university. 

I did not have a bad childhood because of all this but I do wish I had more Black friends growing up. I don’t even think that having my best friend around would change anything because she most likely would have conformed to all the other girls too. But this definitely made me think about my future children and how much I want to make sure they grow up around other Black children. They will know that they are beautiful because I will tell them every day. I will show them how to take care of their hair and tell them that it is okay to get darker in the summer, it’s beautiful. They will not have to deal with ignorant questions because I will teach them the difference between ignorant and genuine. My babies will appreciate their blackness from the start. 

This is why I am such a big advocate for self-love. It all starts within because we live in a world where random will tell you that what you are is not beautiful. YOU decide that what you’ve got is beautiful regardless of what anyone says because God made you that way, and He doesn’t make mistakes.